The Issue:
There are elderly who are confined to nursing homes and have few, if any, visitors. In today’s society it is not unusual to have families spread out all over the country. There may not be a loved one nearby to visit on a regular basis.Some elderly may not have any children or have lost their close friends. They may have even earned the distinction of being alone. Not only enduring the physical challenges of daily life, they must also deal with being alone, day upon night and night upon day. Nursing homes provide a tremendous service to these seniors but the demands on their time do not allow for much visiting, they have a job to do. There should be no one left alone, unable to change their own circumstances, waiting to die and feeling totally unloved.

The Answer :
Jesus loves all his children and we are to love as Jesus loves. We are to love thy neighbor.

General Information:

Jesus loves all his children and we are to love as Jesus loves. He has told us to love thy neighbor. A Soul Café is “A Senior Outreach with Unconditional Love/ Caring About Forgotten Elderly”. The program requires a commitment of 12 hours per Year of one on one friendly visit’s. Specific arrangements will be made to introduce A Soul Café member to specific forgotten elderly in local nursing homes. You can make a difference!

Orientation & Training: A Soul Café member must attend an Orientation Program before starting the mission. This program is very informal and last about one hour. 
For more information on the next orientation date enter here:   

A Soul Café Update:

Is this Your Divine Moment? Ask Him if you should help. For More Information contact John McKay:   

Directors Message:

When I was a young boy my family lived in Connecticut and every Sunday we would all pile into the car and drive to Massachusetts to visit my Grandfather, who resided in a soldiers nursing home. I’ll never forget how his face would light up every time we walked in, he was so happy to see us. We would play cards or tell him all about our previous week and before long it was time to go home. There was a man in the bed next to Grandpa who the nurses said never had anyone visit him, ever. My Dad would always take the time to chat with him or fix his watch, which always seemed to be broken. I will also never forget Grandpa’s face when we were leaving, knowing he had another long, lonely week without someone he loved nearby.

The impressions of those visits have stayed with me my whole life and I always thought it would be nice to do something for people in that situation, but I never did anything. It wasn’t until I read two books at the suggestion of Tom Litteer, Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church Sparta, when it became clear that God was asking me to just take that first step. I started reading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren and then followed that with Seizing your Divine Moment by Erwin McManus. Even before I was finished with the second book I realized that God had already told me to do something. He had told me to “love my neighbor”, so I took that first step, which felt like I was stepping off a cliff, and finally acted on my long time concern. That was the day the A Soul Café was born. From that point on, every time I have struggled with the next step Jesus Christ has provided the answer, whether that be a clear view of the road ahead or another person with a loving heart and a perfectly timed solution. All it took was that first step and complete faith that God would lead me.

The numbers of elderly confined to nursing homes who have no outside support system are staggering. In Sussex County New Jersey alone, there are over 1,000 nursing home residents, with almost 300 who have no outside support system. Nobody ever comes to visit them and they don’t know that anybody cares. For me, without all the history above, it’s very clear why something must be done. Jesus loves all His children and we are to love as Jesus loves. We are to love thy neighbor.

As A Soul Café member, you can make a huge difference in someone's life, for Him.

With His Love, John McKay

Ask Him if you should help. For More Information please contact John McKay:   

Members: Share His Success  

Thanks for sharing this story El. Rodney is a lucky guy to have such a friend!

I had a great visit with Rodney recently. I knew from our earlier conversations Rodney's home town, and his father's name. I did some Internet research, and during our last visit casually mentioned to him that I knew his father's nickname was "Timer". He, of course, was amazed that I knew that. I then informed him that his paternal grandfather's name was Ellsworth--the same as mine and my father's--and that his grandpa's birthday was the same date as my father's -- September 1! I had searched for and found genealogical information on the Internet!
Since Rodney is bedridden, I spend a fair amount of time making sure that the pictures on his wall are properly displayed. I bring in new ones for rotation--sometimes depending on what we talk about, the seasons, or his home area (the Chicago suburbs).
Another thing I do is to keep his glasses clean--and when they get broken, I get them replaced at a local optician. This pair has lasted 6 months--so far!

Thanks Stevie for being persistent. Sometimes they just need to know you will come back before they allow you to get close:

“The first two times I visited with (my Elderly Host) it was quite difficult to understand her.  She kept trying and I kept trying.  I wasn't sure what she was gaining from the visits, if anything. On the way for the third visit, I was asking myself if I would do better to ask for a person who seemed more aware.  When I came into the facility, I couldn't find (her).  Though wheelchair bound, she is up and down and simply everywhere--all the staff seems to know (her) by name.  I was standing, talking to one of the staff about where I might find (my Elderly Host).  Suddenly she came up behind me, tapped my leg, and said, "I have been waiting and waiting to see you."  I had tears in my eyes.  We have had about 6 visits. (She) seems to like routine.  We usually sit in the dining room where it is quieter and she draws me a picture to take home. We talk about her and since she seems interested I tell her about my pets and my family.  She now remembers and asks specific questions.  I try to bring a small surprise each time.  Ritz crackers are a big success.” 

Before you started visiting, your Eldely Host didn’t know anybody cared. Thanks for caring Debbie:

“Our visits seem to be going well and (my Elderly Host) seems very happy when I come to visit. She has her good days and her bad days and I try to encourage her and cheer her up when it's a bad day. She is in need of a lot of things so I always bring her something when I go to visit her, clothes, shoes, purse, jacket, sweaters and even flowers etc... We both enjoy each others company and I am happy about that!” 

Kathy & Bud – go with the stories wherever they take you as it sounds like quite a history:

“…Bud and I go as a team to visit (our Elderly Host).  He seemed happy that we came but I don’t think he remembered who we were. We are having a little bit of a hard time since he seems to be telling VERY TALL STORIES about his life.  According to him he was a Harvard graduate, the president of his company, a boxer, a race care driver, a horse racer, has not left the building in 4-5 years, and has a beautiful girlfriend for the last 44 years.  We’re finding it a little difficult to carry on conversation, because he stumps us with these tall stories. No matter what we talk about, according to (him), he has been there and done that. Wouldn’t we feel stupid if all of these stories turn out to be TRUE!! It might actually help if we did know something about his past.  But I don’t know how much we are allowed to know.”  

While the HIPPA laws have their benefit, they can sure be a problem in our situation. Hang in there. It sounds like your Elderly Host is really enjoying himself. Thanks Tony:

…I still continue to visit with my (Elderly Host). That kid loves me. I try to go about every two weeks to visit him and sometimes I will sign him out to take him with us for a few hours. He can't read, write or hear very well so it is a challenge to communicate, but we are surviving. I really wish that I could know more about his health issues but because of HIPPA they will not tell you very much. I may bring him to church this Sunday.”   

Susan, I know your Elderly Host is enjoying your company. Thank you! :

“I think (my Elderly Host) looks forward to my visits, especially since I bring her treats.  She has quite a sweet tooth. She is friendly and sociable, but is some times anxious about being able to remain at Andover .  She must have been moved from a number of different places, and always says how much she likes Andover, and that she has to be a “good girl” so she can remain there.  I try to assure her that she won’t be moved.  She likes (the Pastor on Staff) and the coffee and cookies that follow the fellowship.  She seems to be doing as well as can be expected…”

Sue, Thanks for Sharing and for caring:

“The last few visits with … (my Elderly Host) have been good.  She seemed very content and was quite alert and talkative.  Sometimes I arrive in the afternoon when she is sleeping... and then I do not get a chance to visit. The aide tries to wake her, but most of the time she is unsuccessful.  They say she has her days and nights mixed up, that is why she is in such a deep sleep… I can hardly believe it has been a year since I started my visits. (My Elderly Host) has not changed much at all during this past year like some of the patients I see, who are so upset and confused.  It is heartbreaking for sure. “  

El, Thanks so much for your great story of Sharing HIS Love. Just imagine how your Elderly Host’s life has been enriched with your thoughtfulness, effort and the Love of Christ.

“I've had three visits with Rodney, and sent two cards so far, and am delighted to have made a new friend. He is clearing feeling and responding to the honest affection I feel for him.

We both have musical interests, and early on he told me that his favorite musician was "Justin Brown". A search of the Internet revealed no Justin Brown of musical note. But my lovely wife Sheila, wiser than I, said "maybe he was saying Jackson Browne". Of course, he was! So, I bought "The Best of Jackson Browne," and yesterday at our visit, I took a boombox and we had a great time listening to Jackson Browne together.

Bravo to John on establishing this program, which reinforces the power and beauty of the Spirit operating through the simplicity of one-on-one connection.”

Joe, I truly believe there are many hidden stories waiting to be told, all we have to do is take the time & make the effort. Just think how exciting it was for John to re-live it, by telling you the story.

“John, I just wanted to share a story from one of my visits. Several weeks ago Ray, my friend, decided to move within the facility and acquired a new roommate, John. When I first meet John I discovered that he had recently lost his hearing aid and was not able to hear anything I said. So basically we shared the normal "hello's" but went about our business. Last week when I came to visit Ray, I noticed John had new hearing aids and was able to hear what I was saying. We started talking and I discovered some very interesting things about John. First of all I learned that John was 103 years old. This by itself was rather amazing, but in our conversation I also learned that John was a track coach. This was particularly interesting since my daughter does Track and Field in college. We continued talking and it turns out that John was a silver medallist in the 1928 Olympics. Not only that, but he was personal friends with Jesse Owens, the great African-american runner of the Olympics …”

Ellen, Thanks for being persistent:

“Thank you for your encouragement to be patient with my Host. Conversation is difficult because she will speak to me but does not respond to any of my conversation to her. I felt rather ineffective. Also logistics were getting in the way because I couldn't always find her. Well 2 visits ago, I met with her and I repeated my name to her and asked her if she remembered me. She smiled and reached out her hand to me. WOW. What a gift! She speaks to me more now and we've even laughed together. My visits aren't the ideal I had in mind, but they're exciting and very rewarding.”

Greg, It sure is easy for all of us to take all we have for granted, until we see how little someone else has. Thank you for sharing this.

“Wanted to let you know that I have met with my elderly (host). . . . Very nice and alert. After visiting I realize just how fortunate and blessed I am. She manages on just $35.00 per month. Her family visits on holidays so she see them about 3 times a year.”

 Carl, I guess God knew he needed someone who would take the time to listen. Thanks so much.

“I met with my host yesterday.  Couldn't get away.  Tried to hold it to half hour but every time I tried to leave he thought of another question to ask me.  My host is blind, very sharp and as I assume you have gathered loves to talk .”

Linda – what a great way to connect, thanks for sharing!

“I have found a great way to connect as she has alzheimer's and has difficulty answering questions and carrying on a conversation. Someone has suggested to me that I do her nails! I did get permission and have been doing this for over a month now. She seems to really enjoy the attention and the time is not awkward as we are busy doing her nails! I thought if anyone else is as at a loss as what to do when communication is not possible and they been assigned to a woman, this may work out for them too.”

 Thanks Cathy for your wonderful note!

“…my elderly host… is a lovely woman.  She is always smiling and happy to see me, although I'm not sure that she remembers my past visits.  I know that I am getting more out of our visits than she is.  When I leave the nursing home I am so thankful for my family and the many blessings that God has given me.  Every time I've visited I've had the opportunity to join in a sing along.  It's a little scary because I know all of the songs - I guess that means I'm not as young as I thought!  My elderly host asked me how old I was.  When I told her that I was 45 I thought she'd say that I was young (comparatively); instead she said "You don't look that old!" - that gave me a chuckle!!  She has blessed me with some insights - when I told her she had a lovely smile and a great attitude she said "If you're not happy, what's the point of living."  When another resident of the nursing home asked her how many clothes she had at home (he's not real clear that this is her home, as well as his), she said "I have just enough."  I'm thankful to meet my elderly host.  God is using her in my life and I hope that I'm a blessing to her.  Even though I don't think she remembers much about our visits I try to touch her hand, rub her back and give her a hug and kiss good-bye.  We all need that stuff.”

What a wonderful way to show God’s love, Thanks Diane!

“ … just wanted to tell you about my visit with my person at Barn Hill on Friday. My son happened to come with me and when I arrived I thought I saw a glimmer of recognition in her eyes. She told me that she didn't know him and smiling I replied that is OK - you didn't know me either a few weeks ago but we are getting to know each other so you can get to know him also. Her eyes kind of lit up and she said OK … Josephine then told me how much she enjoyed me visiting her and that she appreciated it.”

Thanks Sue, for not giving up and I’m sure the smile that warmed your heart, also went straight to God’s.
“Mrs. H suffers from Alzheimer's disease -- and I, like you, was beginning to question whether I was making a difference in her life.  I learned that she has a son who lives in NJ and, sadly, he has never visited her.  Each time I visited she did not remember my name and I was unsure if she even recognized me.  Our conversations were quite limited, and mostly consisted of her saying she "is going", or "wants to go" home.  The time I visited one afternoon before I left for CA Mrs. H was in bed and sleeping  (normally she is dressed and awake).  I waited for a bit and when she woke up she said she had a "computer virus" and was not feeling well.  (I did have a little chuckle about that as I am sure she knows little about computers.)  I spoke with the nurse and found out it was nothing serious.    My visit the other day was better -- and she did say she recognized me and was happy to have someone to visit with.  Or was the smile because of the beautiful rose I brought her from my garden?  It really doesn't matter...the smile warmed my heart.”

Rosemarie, thanks for sharing your first visit with us.
“Yesterday I had my first visit with my elderly host …she is fairly alert and pleasant. I did get her to laugh a few times but most of her responses were "Yeah". She says she likes Romance novels! She can get about with a walker, had a hip fracture and I can relate to hip precautions since I have two artificial hips … I will visit with her again in a couple weeks.”

Joe was kind to share this with us:
“… I have met with my Elderly Host twice already... actually it has been quite fun. He was a little tentative the first time we met, but really had no trouble engaging in conversation.  The second time, when he saw me, his face lit up and he remembered my name. I was surprised. At that point, there was no trouble getting into conversation.  In any case, I think we are both looking forward to get together, maybe next week I will bring my son.”  

Karen’s idea is a great one and could end up helping several people in need:
“I wanted to let you know that my visit with my Elderly Host on Sunday went well.

She told me "you don't know what alone is, until you are alone". I had a thought.  I was thinking that if I got together with another person from A Soul Cafe and we "hooked up" when we were visiting our Elderly Hosts, they might make friends.  I know she is alone and doesn't make contact with anyone there during the day.  This may be a way to get her to make friends with someone there. The Administrator told me my first time to introduce myself and not to expect to be there 1/2 hr.  I wound up staying almost two hours.  The time just flew…I do plan on stopping by again this Sunday.”

Thanks to Diane for sharing this:
“I got a chance to visit my host today and she is a sweetie. It is like they described, she will answer on a different subject then what I asked. I would just nod and accept whatever she wanted to say. When I was taken to her area, the nurses told us that she was in a bad mood today. I said, well we'll see how it goes. Think things went well, they set us in the main lunch area I guess and there was music playing loudly and I had difficulty hearing her and thought maybe she may have been off on her answers due to the same difficulty. Only visited for about 20 -25 minutes as they wanted to get her off to lunch. I explained that I'd be back in about a week or so. She said OK and went off with the nurses to get ready for lunch. …She reminded me very much of my mother-in-law whom I got along with very well.”

This email was the first visit to an Elderly Host by a Soul Café member. Thanks Sue!
“I wanted you to know that my 1st visit with Mrs. H. was on Monday afternoon. She, indeed, is a very lovely lady who has no outside support.  I thought the visit went very well.  She seemed at ease talking to me and I found out that we do have some things in common.  We both play the piano and organ; like to walk; blue is our favorite color; she worked in an office as a secretary and I work in a legal office; and finally she loved to read (mysteries) and loves flowers (the red rose is her favorite).  I am always truly amazed how God works in bringing people into our lives who can help us "grow" and likewise who we can help, and perhaps "make a difference" in their lives.  I believe Mrs. H. is a "match" for me.

This email came after the first visit of A Soul Café member & their Elderly Host. This came from the facility Director:
“After Kathy's visit to Margaret, she came to me the next day to tell me what a wonderful visit she had, she said she was such a lovely girl and she really enjoyed spending time with her.  Just wanted to share a positive response.  Thank you again for this wonderful experience.”

Thanks Colleen for sharing this wonderful story:
“Well I'm on my third visit with my new friend, Mrs. G. (Anna). What a lovely woman! When I was first introduced to her and she was told that I would be visiting her, her first words were - "Really!" "God bless you" "How lovely". She looked up at me and with wide eyes gave me a big smile. The very first thing I noticed was her beautiful blue eyes - I immediately thought of the poem that was in our Soul Cafe Orientation material. She has shared with me wonderful stories of her family and her life. She often says how nice it is to be able to talk with another woman about things - "just to share" she says. Both of my parents have been gone for a while now, but sitting with Anna makes me feel closer to them in a way. I miss talking with them and sharing stories. As I sit with Anna and tell her about my children and she tells me about her family, we are both comforted. God has blessed us both.”

Nobody said this was going to be easy, but with HIS strength – we can do all things!
Thanks Tony for your persistence & creativity!
“Bill is an 87 year old man who appears to me to be in very bad health. He has Parkinson's and some other ailments. He almost never leaves his room. His hands shake and he has some trouble speaking, but is very alert and witty. My first visit was on a Sunday after church. I was really a bit nervous and when I first got there he was really grumpy and started to yell that he didn't want anybody there and no visits from anybody. I was not sure what to do, so I started to give him a little of his own medicine and told him I drove all the way to Newton and I was not going to leave until I got to talk to him. The nurse pulled me aside and asked me if I would speak to another person while they got Bill cleaned up. She said he is usually gets a little friendlier after he gets cleaned. So I then spoke to another person named Leonard. He was really nice and talked my ear off. I learned about his entire life history. The one funny thing was that it took me about 20 minutes to realize that he could not hear a word I was saying. He can't hear, and has no hearing aide. I started to yell my questions into his one good ear but he could still barely hear me. I started to write my questions down on paper and that worked much better. About 40 minutes later I went back to see Bill after he was all cleaned up. He was like a different man and we talked about many things and he was very happy to talk to me. After a few minutes I felt very comfortable with him and I was not nervous. I ended up helping him eat his lunch and stayed there about 40 minutes. He struggles with almost any task because his hands shake so badly. Bill is very smart, loves to read and do crossword puzzles but can't write the answers in the little boxes, and has trouble holding books to read. The following week I made another visit. He seemed very happy to see me, and knew who I was. I brought him an Airplane magazine and a bag of used books. He did get my letter and said he enjoyed reading it. We talked some more about his days in the Army and worked on a crossword puzzle together. He gave me the answers and I wrote them down. I could tell he was feeling very comfortable with me and was more relaxed. So far I feel that this has been the perfect ministry for me at this time in my life. I feel that I have made a connection with Bill and I am hoping to help make whatever time he has left more enjoyable and comfortable. I want him to know that there is somebody out there that cares about him and is thinking about him and he is not alone.